toate imi vorbesc cuvinte
rasfirante-adanc in minte,
si prin apa, prin morminte,
eu barfesc de cele sfinte.
uite ceasul cum se trece,
mai ceva ca apa rece
ce era sa ma inece
nu intr-o secunda,-n zece.
uite timpul tavalug,
se ascunde in cosciug,
nici de n-am un betesug,
nu-s prilej de vreun belsug.
viata dulce de amara,
de cu zi si pana-n seara,
tu ma tii ca intr-o gheara,
pana moartea ma omoara…
Feelings are important, or so I am told. People care about things and about people and sometimes they are just like little impatient kids, waiting for good things to happen.
I know I couldn’t be more vague than that, but believe me, vague is my middle name (kinda; actually it is Mihaela), so bare with me.
Promises come to me in different forms. They sometimes look like happiness and flowers and trust, and sometimes they look just like sadness, tears and rain. Promises can’t keep you warm, but the hope that they’ll become reality might. They can’t feed you or heal your broken heart, but they can shine a different light on things you thought to be irremediably lost.
Promises are both the best and the worst things to happen when everything goes south.
Today’s mood:
Tonight before you fall asleep
I run my thumb across your cheek
Cry ‘cause i’m here to wipe your eyes
I know I made you feel this pain
You gotta breathe, we’ll be okay
Cry ‘cause i’m here to wipe your eyes
Please don’t lose your faith;
Don’t worry ‘cuz I’m here to keep you safe
I promise if you let me see your face
That I won’t let you down, I won’t let you down
Today I took the road back to Memory Lane, reading old poems and stories and old articles about the music in my life.
Back in 2008, when I started this blog, I never thought I’d go this far with it. Actually, I took a break from blogging and writing all together, in 2010, if my memory serves me right.
It’s funny reliving all these thoughts and feelings and I find it amazing that the same songs still move me.
May 26th was the first day I ever wrote something on my own, not a forum run by idiots. So this year I will celebrate this little thing called blog, since it’s its 5th anniversary. 5 is also my favorite number and my lucky number.
I’ll go back to reading my memoirs. I’m on page 24 out of 32, but I started reading it backwards.
Nights pass the same as they did until now, only time seems generous. I have enough time to go to the gym and walk the dog (soon to be dogs) and also shop and cook healthy stuff (I am looking at you, spinach!), but somehow my life has found itself stuck in a moment.
If I were to ask myself what that moment was, I couldn’t find the right answer, so I just keep abusing my seconds and minutes in hope to find it, but I never do…
Words don’t come easy. I know it’s just a song, but it is also the state I’m in.
I wish I could be better.
I wish I could do better.
I wish for things I don’t know how to wish for.
I wish for experiences and feelings and for a louder world.
I’m not sure how to ask for those things, so I keep quiet in my head and close my eyes.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Trust is like a mirror, she said.
E ciudat cum, dupa un an in care nu m-am gandit deloc la asta (am un articol in draft), ma loveste gandul fix in seara asta.
Lumea mea un amalgam de chestii si oameni, ganduri si emotii, cadouri si bucurii, multe meritate, sau nemeritate. Nu m-am hotarat inca.
Trust is like a mirror, she said.
Am spart-o sau nu, e doar crapata si atat? Nici nu stiu stadiul in care e.
Si daca l-as sti, cu ce m-ar ajuta?
Adica, din tot ce-am fost si-am devenit, nu sunt nimic si sunt doar crapaturi?
Ma sufla vantul in ceafa. Ma indreapta spee directii necunoscute, de care mi-e frica.
Oare ce cale sa aleg? E ca si cum cuvintele nu au directie si sentimentele nu au sens.
Oare asa a fost dintotdeauna?
E Valentine’s Day, stiu, o sarbatorim sau o uram, fiecare cu ce-i place. Dar, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaar…
As usual, ma dau pe net si citesc despre filme si carti si alte chestiuni culturale. Si eram cat pe ce, dar cat pe ce! Sa incep o noua carte.
Nu pun la socoteala faptul ca profilul meu de Goodreads arata ca momentan citesc 8 carti. Mai am vreo 2 incepute pe langa astea, dar am ramas la primele pagini, pentru ca mi s-a stricat Kindle-ul. More on that, later.
Tocmai ma gandeam sa ma apuc de citit Animal Farm, pentru ca George Orwell merita citit in orice forma si, daca tot am facut efortul de a citit 1984 de peste 10 ori, as putea sa continui si cu alte romane.
Dar brusc am realizat ca n-ar fi o idee buna. Gaseam un site online unde pot citi cartea sau o luam de undeva, nu asta e problema mare. Problema mare e ca accesul facil la orice forma de literatura (ieri, spre exemplu, am citit o tona de epigrame, just because), ma face sa ma comport ca un copil cu ADHD.
I don’t commit to books like I used to. Sau nu, de fapt. I was committed to The Hobbit. Pana am inceput Damnation Alley. Bineinteles, am inceput si Cinder, cateva randuri doar, dar oricum… Si mai am o carte de pe Kindle inceputa (si nici macar nu-s in stare sa imi amintesc care anume), si seria The Walking Dead si am inceput si Buffy – Season 8 pe iPad.
My Assholes didn’t Finish First. My Hunger Games are still hungry. Shadow of Night e sortita nefinalizarii, spre linistea mea eterna. La Priest sunt mai departe de volumul 4 de foarte mult timp. Cyberpunk e si el in curs de injumatatire a volumului de munca. Doar Kafka on the Shore a ramas lectura constanta in ultimele 3 zile.
Faptul ca am asa usor acces la carti si dispozitive pe care sa le citesc ma face sa ma intreb daca o sa mai simt vreodata chestia aia cu „abia astept sa ajung acasa sa termin cartea”. Pentru ca acum citesc in pauza, de pe un site sau altul, pe drum citesc de pe telefon, acasa de pe iPad si Kindle.
Si cand ma gandesc ca acum vreo 2 saptamani ma gandeam sa recitesc Shogun si Pasarea-Spin…