Stii cumva cate cuvinte ai luat inapoi, pe tacute, neinteles de linistea din jurul, obosit de furia din tine?
Nici eu nu stiu, si e ca si cum as da drumul unui robinet de amintiri tarzii. Sunt momentele alea in care iti doresti alte drumuri, sa fii singur sau alaturi de altcineva, momentele alea in care ce traiesti acum e infricosator, enervant, momentele alea in care nu rezisti sa nu spui cuvinte care dor.
N-am stiut niciodata cum sa fiu aproape de cineva si sa nu fiu exploziva. De obicei, cand ma cunosti, ai senzatia ca sunt cea mai aroganta fiinta de pe planeta. Bineinteles, nu ma absolv de vina, doar ca la cateva secunde dupa aceea realizezi ca sunt timida si sfioasa, si ca mi-e tot timpul grija ca poate ranesc pe cineva, sau deranjez, sau inoportunez.
Nu prea stiu eu cum sa ma comport in public, si oricum sunt introvertita, asa ca ce rost are sa mai invat la varsta asta?
Si timpul trece, si eu devin relaxata langa tine, si incepi sa vezi ca fac urat la nervi. Adica ma enervezi si te las in drum, sau imi stric ceasul, ca sa nu-ti stric mutra aia enervanta. Arunc cu telefonul pe scari, sau rup toate frunzele dintr-un copac.
Nu stiu sa fiu egala, si oricum mi-e tot timpul grija ca nu sunt mai sus ca tine. E un defect – cand ai fost jos toata viata ta, o sa vrei mereu sa fii mai sus ca ceilalti. Sa ai jobul cel mai misto, iubitul cel mai bun, pantofii cei mai multi. Si e o intreaga competitie intre mine, cea care sunt, si eu, cea care as vrea sa fiu. Si obosesc, pentru ca nu reusesc sa bifez toate lucrurile pe care le-as vrea.
Si cel mai tare ma enervez pe mine, si nu stiu daca ma enervez pentru ca vreau prea multe sau prea putine, sau pentru ca nu am rabdare, sau pentru ca nu sunt organizata.
Oh, doamne, sunt atat de plina de minusuri, si cand ma gandesc ca doar ele ma ajuta sa devin mai buna!…
Ain’t it funny when songs and movies and basically anything and everything makes sense all of a sudden?
I used to think my life was reserved for a bleak practical non-existence, therefor I must admit I am quite astonished and thrilled by the greatness it has right now.
Everything in this life is tastier than ever before, all of my experiences are worth mentioning and each and everyday is a blessing. Not a blessing in disguise, but a true moment to be savored permanently.
I’ve come to calm and peace and quiet. I’ve come to mornings of smile and nights of mingled limbs. I’ve come to passion and silence and I feel like I finally found my everything.
Maybe I did. I really hope I did. Because I could not bear the thought that everything that you are is not truly my everything.
E simplu rau sa faci matreata,
Doar stii si tu cum e:
Te speli de dimineata,
Si speri ca pana seara trece.
De burta, nici nu indraznesc sa zic,
E-asa usor, aproape natural:
Bagi tot in gura, de la sarma la mic,
Si speri ca nu ajungi de asta data la spital.
Dar stii ce-i tare greu, mai frate?
Sa-ti iei tu viata-n maini,
Sa faci de toate!
E mai usor sa faci nimic si sa amani,
Ca nu-i asa nevoie si de fapte…
Strange, sensuous noise comes from up above. Like clockwork, devious, yet kind, warm and fuzzy, the mystery of that feeling is tingling inside me, as soon as I close my eyes, as soon as I start whispering sweet nothings to myself.
From beneath me, dark matter once ridden with boots and heels and shoes that maybe won’t fit your feet properly is vehemently hellish, molding itself underneath my body. Everything sparks and aches at the same time, and I only wonder where you are.
I’m standing here, in between these worlds. Those plans that bear with me, so little, yet so important, so fearful, yet so loud – I love those plans. Mostly because they have sounds and colors, they have warmth and cold, they have terror and hope.
For long now, I have defined myself as un-feminist. I’m not sure right now that I still am what I preached, but it seems that we, as women, are breaking boundaries that are, at least in theory, politically correct. And for me, this has started with Jemima Kirke’s stance on abortion and such.
Here, in Romania, the abortion tidbit tends to get swept under a rug filled with shame and misogyny, and it has such a stigma on the person admitting the fault (and by fault, I mean abortion) that no one ever claims it. Not the mothers of the daughters that do it, not the women experiencing first hand. There isn’t even the classical game of „a friend of a friend” involved in this.
And it’s a bit sad, because abortion usually means control over one’s body, while political correctness means control over one’s opinion and choice of words. Or at least, that’s how I see it. Two forms of control, and I’m unsure which one is better, if at all. It’s sad that one is valued as a principle, yet used in the most unprincipled way, to hyper-avoid discrimination, when in fact, it’s just perpetuating anti-discrimination, while discriminating the anti-discriminator, as well as playing down already known traits of personality of a certain group or minority.
Abortion does not offer that luxury. The simple dropping of the A-bomb will, without a doubt, leave you friendless or family-less. Or they will at least judge you from the shadows, for the harlot that you are.
However, I can’t seem to help but feeling empowered by the raging estrogen in the media right now. With comediennes like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, pushing further the simplicity of embracing femininity and diversity, and geniuses like Shonda Rhimes, feminists can rejoice. They can claim badassery without fear of it being translated into PMS or bitchiness, and with bold moves from Jemima Kirke and Chelsea Handler into admitting their own limits for choosing to have (or not) a baby at a certain point in their life, women can claim more liberties without being over the top misandrists that hate on men unequivocally.
Just as women chose to have babies outside marriages, or though modern means only (this means no sexy time involved, just sperm donated by great, generous men), is just as fair to let them decide whether to stay pregnant or terminate the pregnancy, whether to raise their baby themselves or give it for adoption. On one condition, of course – always assume your decisions! Always!
In a day and age where we feel more than inadequate because of what we look like, we find it even harder to support ourselves and others, we find it harder to embrace the truth and the life experiences that make us what we are, we jab at ourselves and at our sisters, competing for imaginary boyfriends that don’t want to settle – they just want to grope or throw a punch, if rejected. And those who want to settle, are stuck in some weird friendzone near the Giselle Bundchen of the group, because she’s aiming for someone better. And that, my friends, is a never ending spiral of shame, self-loathe and misery. Why add abortion, above all else, to feel guilty about?
It’s a man’s world, indeed, but it’s time we fight the world, and not the man. It’s time to chose as weapons the same freedoms they employ – control over one’s body and mind and principles.
