Good news – new project

I promised some of you good news on October 1st, so here I am with a big sign over my head:

I started a new collaboration with this awesome website.

Yes, I already found employment in writing for other people, but somehow I find that writing about stuff that I care about is what keeps me awake and sane at the end of the day.

As some of you already noticed, I haven’t published a review for a movie in a long time, but I have the perfect explanation for this.

www.couch.ro

Check it out, if you want to read some of my opinions (because all of you know how opinion-prone I am) for new movies, old movies and full of suckage movies. Those are the best, people! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

The Killers – Shot At The Night

The most killer Killers song this year.

I listen to it, and I want to be covered in night, in the beautiful dark air of freedom… I want a special summer that lasts for a second, I want lights that shine bright above me, I want to be a shadow that dances til the morning…

This song makes me remember simpler times, when I was younger, and free, and with cares that belonged to only me. It makes me feel like a steady rock of glowing energy, if that’s even possible.

It makes me remember summer and islands and purple suns. It makes me remember mirrors that don’t lie and people that don’t hurt.

I think someday I had a shot at the night, but then I grew up and it all went black.

Letters

I keep writing letters to myself and publish them. I know what I want to say to me, but I keep telling it to you. It’s easier that way, because it’s almost a promise made to the world.

One day, I promised myself to learn how to love and how to be good and how to be a beautiful human. I promised I’d be everything that other people were not to me.

27 years have passed and I still don’t know how to love. I’m not good and I am not a beautiful human. I am still scared of people and secretly I wish I was dead, because it would be simpler.

I don’t hate you people, I just don’t care. I’m not sure how to love, but I’m hella good at not caring. It’s easy and clean and it lets me sleep at night. My mind does not bother with weird thoughts of unfitting.

I’m not bad, but I’m not good either. I try to act on impulses, I try to help as much as I can and I’m not the vengeful type, yet I’m not good. My existence does not touch people and I feel perfectly fine with that. In my book, this equals not being good, but I think I might be wrong.

I am not a beautiful human. There’s no denying that, because I don’t like my fellow people and I’m scared of them. I try not to be too visible, but I also try to not be the bug people think I am. I like solitary confinement with music and a blanket, I don’t like crowds, gossip and mean people, but I also don’t feel at home inside close knit groups of benefactors.

I just don’t belong here, and I’m afraid to find out where I do belong.

Who Am I?

Things are not what they used to be. This stereotypical phrasing starts running through my mind, once in a few months, because my inner clock has this perpetual movement of disappointment that needs to be addressed.

And when things are not what they used to be, I start looking for ways out, because there’s too much doubt and not enough peace, and I am in one piece… Still.

I need my drunken music, and my beautiful covers, and my never-ending pause… I need my lies and I need to close my eyes. I need to tell myself that stories are just stories, and souls are just souls, and this weakness in me is just another way to pass the time.

In the back of my head, on the back of my hand, things are laid out like on a beautiful, monstrous canvas… There are words and feelings and fingers that point at the ones to be blamed. My lipstick is red, my feelings are dead. I am numb, number, the numbest. Life is a list and this list is a… What?!

I have forgotten things… I love, I hate, I belittle. I want a human… To love, to hate, to belittle. Things are just moments, life’s just a dream. Who am I?

Zile strambe

De parca zilele s-ar scurge la fel, dar nu s-ar mai scurge… As vrea si n-as vrea sa fac ceva, si daca as face, ce folos as avea? Ca parca viata asta e altfel cand ceva iti iese la afacere, si parca e un pic mai frumos afara daca iesi pe plus din orice.

Dar zilele astea, la fel ca oricare altele, sunt niste zile strambe si fara succes, fara sa ma gandesc atat de des precum ar trebui si precum as putea, dar n-as putea, bai nene, sa-nteleg cumva despre ce e vorba in toata fraza asta lunga cat o zi de post. Si mai stii zilele alea lungi de post? Sunt arse, sunt fum, sunt tarana uscata si rosie, asa ca nu stiu cum sa te mai imbrobodesc, pe cruce sa te slujesc si, daca as vrea (dar nu vreau), as tine ochii deschisi sa te privesc pana cand soarele apune, pana cand pe lume nu mai sunt lucruri bune carora sa le spun pe nume.

E stramb si e innorat, asa ca cerul se aduna si se-adapa usor deasupra mea, fara sa gaseasca o cale mai curata, mai alba, mai uscata, mai normala, care sa poata rasfira pe ea insemnari insemnate de buzate curate. Nu avem si nici nu vrem sa avem tara si ostasi si linguri si seminte de orez, doar samanta de scandal salasluieste in potopul asta de trupuri vinovate si murdare si vinete si insangerate. Ca niste hiene, doar scandalul si semintele lui pervertite saruta trupuri jegoase, mucegaite, macinate si roase de boli inchipuite.

Dar zilele astea strambe nu sunt la fel, nici ieri si nici maine, cu atat mai putin azi. Zilele mele strambe se-aduna ca apa de izvor scuipata din sanii pamantului in cantecul vantului. Si azi am venit cu lopatica sa imi desfac marginile mormantului.