Fifteen, or Maybe Twenty Years

When we are born,
we lose ourselves.
Our parents take us,
nurture us,
or maybe torture us,
stalling our memories of former selves,
keeping us from finding ourselves.
All they seem to do is shaping us in ways they think are best,
or ways they wish they could’ve taken long ago,
but mostly ways that other people told them about.
And all those ways are usually nothing like what we want to become,
and it’s confusing,
and it’s hurtful,
and nothing here seems to work,
because we wait fifteen, or maybe twenty years
to regain that sense of self that was taken from us
long time ago.
We don’t deserve the stalling and the tears,
but thinking about what we could be gets up through all the years
of pain and suffering and not being ourselves.

Maybe you found yourself today.
Go on, talk to yourself, see what you have to say.



when i was younger i abused my dreams,
i’ve lost count of times spent with wrong people,
giving the wrong hugs,
losing precious moments.
when i was younger i forgot a lot about myself,
and felt like my value was somehow less because of everything i never was.
i made a habit out of waiting for people to become
what they never truly were.
when i was younger i lost myself so many times,
tearing my heart and dreams away,
giving them to people who did not deserve me,
instead of giving them to me.
when i was younger i was so foolish,
but i don’t wish i’d live that time again.
cause this is the time i am me,
and this is when you’ve met me.


handsAin’t it funny when songs and movies and basically anything and everything makes sense all of a sudden?

I used to think my life was reserved for a bleak practical non-existence, therefor I must admit I am quite astonished and thrilled by the greatness it has right now.

Everything in this life is tastier than ever before, all of my experiences are worth mentioning and each and everyday is a blessing. Not a blessing in disguise, but a true moment to be savored permanently.

I’ve come to calm and peace and quiet. I’ve come to mornings of smile and nights of mingled limbs. I’ve come to passion and silence and I feel like I finally found my everything.

Maybe I did. I really hope I did. Because I could not bear the thought that everything that you are is not truly my everything.



Baby do you even know my sides?
I see you once a week
And then I kiss him on the cheek
And I talk to him all night
Still you quiet all my frights.

I have you on my left,
Because I am always right and good
And then I go at home and eat my food
While sitting on another left.
Everything I do with you is theft.

Baby are you even scared?
Everything that’s holy and complete
I’m making messes to make ends meet
I’m lying and I’m cheating.
All the wars are false and I am winning.


And I hate everybody
That made me feel
There’s something wrong about my body
Or about the way I kneel
In front of souls and depths and hollow wishes.
Don’t you just wish you had three more wishes?
And I hate everyone
That made me feel
There’s something wrong about my feeling
Of the feeling that keeps filling me.
Oh, I know they’re just playing the part
Of being cool, without a heart.

And I hate myself
Because I feel,
Because they taught me not to feel.
They taught me to lie,
To cheat and steal,
To smile and nod instead,
To look so dead,
But now I cannot hide.
I want to show,
And love
The world beneath,
The sky above.
This way, I’m sure,
Like waters run to shore,
I won’t be hating anymore.
Instead, I’ll love you more and more.