For all the times when my body wasn’t mine, Please remember I was just a vessel, A pathway to something better. I had room to grow, I was still this cookie dough That legends talk about. All I could do was Resist and pout. Now I’m not better, And I’m not worse either. I’m the same vessel, With a little more stuff in me. I still have room to grow, And will probably do so Until there’s no more room left. Then this vessel won’t be as deft, And things will spill, And that’ll no longer be a skill. Spillage becomes louder, Spillage becomes death. Spillage becomes chowder, That’s when I’ll lose my breath.
I am the song, And sometimes I am the siren, And sometimes I bring the fire And your whole house down. There’s good and bad in me, There’s bad and good in you, And in the middle of the night, In your dreams You only see nightmares of me And taste the dreams you could have with me. Sometimes I cut, bring on the harsh truths, And sometimes you cut me, Indifferent and apathetic. Someday we’ll switch the roles, The pain will stay the same. I am the siren, And sometimes I am the song. But most of the times I am that poor fisherman Drawn out by waves and sounds and voices.
Maybe it’s not fair to judge the others, as I have found out
that I myself I’m a questionable human being at best. I’ve always displayed a
bit of preachiness within me, but now more than ever I seem to get annoyed at
everything and everyone. I am annoyed at my friends who share serious information
on the coronavirus, and annoyed at my friends who don’t take it seriously. I
feel like I am two people in one and choosing only what’s convenient for me to
display somewhat of a semblance of perceived normality.
I don’t know why I do all these things. I am okay with my
groups of friends, and I am okay being by myself, so in no way I’m trying to
drive them away. It’s just that I’m struggling to find my place within me. I’m
also trying to nurture those relationships I have, as I do think they’re
important and I want them in my life.
I’m maybe a bit unbalanced, but somehow, I don’t feel like it? I mean, it does feel sometimes that I’m on the outside looking in, and I’m viewing myself through someone else’s eyes. Is this the new reality? Am I going crazy?
PS: Adding this to support my internal healing, and maybe yours too.
PPS: yes, it’s the coronavirus issue, it’s affecting me and my relationships more than I thought.