spune-mi

stii unde ma tot duc pasii rataciti?
departe de alei, departe de nenorociti,
ma poarta singuri, fara inteles,
ma poarta singura si, mai ales,
ma poarta tot degeaba, tot aiurea…
spune-mi, tu ai vazut padurea?
si stii unde te caut eu cu drag si spor,
aproape de tarana, de tulpina si topor,
ma uita triste, fara inteles,
ma uita trista si, mai ales,
ma uita tot degeaba, fara rost…
spune-mi, tu esti atat de prost?

stii, parca nici nu conteaza,
intre suflari de aer si amiaza,
ma duce singur gandul, fara inteles,
ma duce trista si, mai ales,
ma duce tot degeaba, n-are sens…
spune-mi, sa mai astept sau e nonsens?

vise

uneori adun vise in solnite sparte,
dar ca sa vezi, ele nu stau,
se duc departe,
si eu raman inchisa intr-o casa goala.
daca tu pleci,
pe mine cine ma mai scoala?
caci somnul meu e dus adanc, departe,
caci pleoapele mi le-am lipit azi noapte,
caci cantecul ce imi canta de dimineata
e azi alarma care ma trezeste de la viata.
ah, am zis eu „viata”?
voiam sa zic de moarte,
dar azi nici asta nu ne mai desparte…

Pic.

Review: An Evening With Jason Mraz and His Guitar

A few years back I have discovered one of the greatest musical gifts I have ever received, because most of the artists I hold dear are the ones I discovered through an extensive period of trials and errors, and I must admit that Jason Mraz is one of them. I remember an internet cafe in my hometown, circa 2005, browsing Yahoo Music (remember that?) and stumbling upon Mraz’s Wordplay. I was so amazed by his flow, his witty lyrics and genuine feel good vibe, I became an instant fan.

After a few years, I moved to Bucharest and I had so many lows, with only his guitar and lyrics, as well as some Angels and Airwaves and Snow Patrol and Marilyn Manson to keep me warm.

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Last night I had one of the best nights of my life, no doubt about it. Jason Mraz finally graced us with his presence, an event titled „An evening with Jason Mraz and his guitar”, and (I might add) his keyboard and harmonica. Two beautiful hours of love, music and incredibile words, this is the only way I can describe Mraz’s live presence.

Jason Mraz’s good natured spirit transcends the language barrier, his voice carried us last night to the moon and back, it gave us dreams and reasons to live, it gave us love and sadness and grief and hope, and I will forever be greatful for this opportunity to see one of my favorite artists bear his soul in front of me.

Just a small snippet (from a different concert, I can’t be bothered to record live acts and miss the good stuff):

I was happy hearing Plane and A Beautiful Mess and Butterfly and Please (Don’t Tell Her) and Mr. Curiosity and Tonight not Again, and many more! I’m sorry he missed Wordplay and Geek in the Pink, but I’ll take what I can get:

And through timeless words in priceless pictures
We’ll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it’s nice today, oh the wait was so worth it

PS: I will not post a setlist for this concert, just because for this kind of event Jason Mraz does not follow a pre-established list of songs. He just goes where the vibe takes him. And also because this is more heartfelt than anything I saw in a long, long, looooong time…

Mi-e dor de tine

Astăzi am vrut să te sun, pentru prima dată din noiembrie. Prima dată când chiar aş fi avut nevoie să îţi spun prostiile din viaţă mea. Prima dată când chiar n-am mai putut fără tine. Bine, au mai fost dăţi de astea cu greutate, când era greu să respir. Cu mama nu mai pot vorbi, e aşa departe de mine, şi amară că pelinul, şi eu sunt a nimănui.
Dar măcar mai am pozele de ultima dată, când tu zâmbeai şi ţi-am dus toporaşi. Ţi-am dus toporaşi şi căpşune, şi le-ai mâncat cu poftă, şi mi-a crescut inima de bucurie, pentru că tu nu mâncai niciodată căpşune sau fragi sau mure. Nu, le ţineai că să ne faci compot şi gem şi nu voiai să le mănânci vara niciodată.
Mi-e un dor de tine şi uşa aia nu se va închide niciodată. Şi e tare bine să rămână deschisă, măcar aşa ştiu că eşti cu mine.

în ultimele zile

în ultimele zile, doar la sfârşit de lume mă mai pot gândi.
şi nu am linişte,
nu am nimic,
n-am zvâc, trăire, pace sau cuvinte,
şi toţi mă-ntreabă de nimic.
în ultimele zile le-adun pe toate, şi tot îmi ies cu minus.
dar oare câte minciuni de bine am tot spus,
la ceas de seară, la apus,
tăcut, grăbit, cu zarvă-n buze?
mai e ceva pe lume să m-amuze?
în ultimele zile, ultimele ore, ultimele minute şi secunde
mă dumiresc de faptul că trăim degeaba,
cuvintele tot trec pe lângă noi,
şi uite,-mi bate-n uşă ceasul de apoi…
în ultimele zile-ar trebui să şi răspund
la uşi şi întrebări şi strigăte de noapte.
dar nu mai am putere şi m-ascund,
de bine, rău, de fapte toate.

Alive

I keep inside definitions of what I should be. I should be good. Better. Stronger. More assertive. Resilient. Stubborn until I reach perfection. And above else, I should be feeling.

But that’s the problem, with the feeling. I try to pry open my heart, my mind, my body and my soul, to make room for something more. I project these aspirations onto other people, people I know how wrong are for me, and yet, I chose to think that no, maybe it’s my fault.

But in the end, it is not. I am not at fault for chosing the wrong people and failing. However, I am fault when I force myself to feel. This is beyond allowing yourself to be happy, it is forcing yourself. Some days I realize just that, but on other days it feels like I’m picking at old scabs, and I can feel the warm blood pouring out of me, and I’m stuck in the spiral of shame, guilt, frustration, stubborness, and self hate.

I’m not sure how I should manage all of this, but choosing intentionally the wrong persons, knowing that they will never, ever respond or understand you, it’s a slow death sentence of the soul. And my soul has been through enough death, thank you very much. I’d really like to see how it’s like to be alive.