faith

faith requires so little of you,
and gives so much of it instead,
it’s just a door that remains open always,
and you can choose to follow that,
or you can choose to stay.
but fear not, my friend, you’ll always be welcome.

No Words

No words in you,

But something screams in me,

And there’s darkness,

There sadness,

There’s you,

But so little of me.

It’s like you feel the voids,

But then I am the void,

And there’s nothing to fill me up with.

No movement in me,

While you drift away,

How can I fucking make you stay?

PS: You left me all empty, how does that make you feel?

This world is too real,

Too cruel,

Too unsual.

Contrasts

And there are thoughts I nurture and protect,
Deep down inside, where everything is wrecked,
The lights I hold on, the fears I try to let go,
The more I live, the less I know.
But still I try my best at guarding
Everything you keep discarding,
And then I care for every little thing in me,
But it’s like locking me up and throwing out the key.
I don’t blame you, yet I don’t blame me.
We’re limited in different ways, you see.
When you go high and I go low,
No one is friend, no one is foe.

hey numpty!

life’s just a point
and by this point
you should’ve had
everything covered.
your head,
your toes,
and who’s in your bed,
the way you like your toast,
and your ticket to heaven.
but fear not, my friend,
as life’s not always black and white,
and you’re allowed to run,
and smile,
and laugh just for a while.
you’re still allowed to find yourself,
outside of who you’re sleeping with,
and you’re allowed to skip the line
of having kids and grandkids and whatnot.
you’re still allowed to find yourself
at forty, even fifty,
and you’re allowed to be yourself,
even when you’re numpty.
life’s just a circle,
and you’re the point,
and at this point,
just be yourself.
no one else will.

you

been numb for so many years,
i can’t seem to forget you,
i can’t seem to move past you,
the good,
the oh-so-bad,
the ugly,
but the lovely,
the highs,
but the so lows,
we’re grown together, without having each
other,
we’ve been together, while being apart,
we want each other, without being together,
we’re looking for each other in other humans as well…
it seems like a stretch, a tiresome goal, a neverending story.
i just want to end up with you.

Gone

And give me power,
Give me strength,
Give me memories I can forget
When I am old and brittle and alone.
Don’t let me be the last one gone.
Give me noise,
And give me pleasure,
Hit me hard with words of wisdom,
Bring me the joys of leisure.
Just don’t let me be the last one gone.
Give me your time,
And give me your hand,
Hold on to me like you are mine,
Promise you’ll be here where I stand.
Don’t let me be the last one gone.
Give me your dreams,
And give me your hopes.
Sow me back at my open seams,
Draw me back inside my frames.
But please don’t let me be the last one gone.
And if you do, I’ll follow you.
There’s nothing you can do.

Birthday

It’s so difficult to be hopeful, like it’s expected of you, and yet so hard to achieve. You’re so compelled to keep on going, even if you don’t see a reason to, just because others expect that from you.

I go in circles from „there is no love” to „there’s someone out there for me” and back to „this whole world is hopeless”, and all of them are true and untrue at the same time.

I feel like I should be grateful for the opportunities I have to learn people and the opportunities I have for me to grow, but also this is so exhausting after a while. It feels like nothing makes sense or that maybe I’m looking for the wrong explanations for things.

Life should be more than black and white, and it’s not just grey. Life is cruel, and get forgiving. I am stupid and still learning, I am so strong and delicate.

It’s OK to lose people and to lose yourself, and it’s OK to gain them back, while you cut a new life for yourself. Life is not a straight road, it is convoluted and constantly changing.

And for the first time in such a long time I’m just happy with myself. What more could I want?