stop teaching me your hate

why don’t you stop teaching me your hate,
just let me leave, or let me live my fate,
your words are knives, so blunt and rusty.
there is no shame, just shame forgotten,
i’m hungry and my insides rotten,
my spirit knows no modesty.
stop teaching me your hate,
and let me live my fate.

judgement

words are meaningless,
i fight the thoughts,
but without words,
it’s like i lack a thousand swords.

i’m being punished
for something that i truly am,
just ovaries, and uterus, and tears,
my blood and menses,
prickly legs,
unshaven armpits, nightmares from hell,
and everything i do, or think, or say,
just gets me through another awful day.
for you, the hairier the better,
stronger,
for me, just ugly, barren, and unworthy.

i’m being punished
for wanting it all,
held accountable for every choice i make,
judged for passing the opportunity
to slave away beside you,
while you’re just another savior
that guides me, tells me what to do,
and sometimes smacks me,
throws me to the ground.
why do you kick so often
the air out of my lungs?
are you so scared of my so many tongues?
are you afraid that i will kick you down,
tear you apart,
maybe steal your crown?
no, i just want to act like you,
but without fear of being judged.
but all i can do right now is wash away my makeup smudge,
and sleep another sleepless night.

goodnight, my master,
lover,
father,
brother,
fright.

eternally

i’m just a tiny spec of soul,
forgotten in this rotten world,
i smell of lie and lies and i am whole,
with all my golden treasures and my heart purled,
i give you life and i give you trust,
and if you must,
i’ll give you me,
eternally.

acasa

casele mele inca nu s-au construit,
n-am caramizi, si nici mortar,
cimentul mi s-a intarit doar pe picioare,
si-as vrea sa fug departe,
dar ma doare
sufletul
ca poate vantul si cuvantul
imi vor stramba din nou
zambetul
atat de rece si pustiu.
eu ratacesc si inca nu stiu,
n-am casa, loc de atarnat de oase,
n-am liniste, dar poate
le voi gasi candva pe toate.
cu tine, fara tine, nici ca-mi pasa.
eu doar vreau sa fiu din nou acasa.

pictures

you sending me pictures
while you cuddle her
and stay on her floor,
and in the morning
you knock on my door
with a coffee in hand.
why can’t i understand?
you sending me pictures
means nothing but that.
it’s in the smiles and the features,
in the phone that you tap
with fervor and ardor.
you sending me pictures
is wrong
while you cuddle her.
sleep on her floor
and knock on her door,
stop borrowing time
from this soul of mine.

Breathe Me In

Sunt multe lucruri pe care le simt, le vreau, le doresc cu intarziere, dar ma bucur de un singur lucru mic si amarat – macar am ajuns in punctul in care sa simt, sa vreau, sa doresc…
A trecut atata timp, aglomerat cu frustrari si neputinta, a trecut atata amar de vreme amara, m-am ofilit si vestejit si n-a fost nimeni sa ma scoata la liman, dar uite ca uneori trebuie doar sa te scoti singur.
Acum, e-adevarat, locul din dreapta mea e gol, dar nu imi plang de mila – ma mir inca de faptul ca pe locul din stanga lui sunt eu, caci anul trecut pe vremea asta asteptam sfarsitul. Singura mea greseala era ca-l asteptam pe-al meu.
Acum trebuie sa ma invat sa-mi pese iar, sa nu mai fiu robotul asta trist din mine si, poate, cu timpul, se vor ivi si alte motive de respirat. I’ll breathe me in for now, and you can do that too.
Everyone welcome to my funeral
Everyone I know better be wasted
You know I would pour one up
Cause the way I lived, it was amazing
Uh-uh-uh
All of my friends are in the room
Uh-uh-uh
Party for me – I’d party too