and i have yet to find the words,
while fumbling through the marks you’ve left behind,
and try to step on the imprints that you’ve left behind,
and try to clean the mess you’ve left behind.
but somehow i have the will to live in me still,
and i wake up morning after morning,
sit for 5 hours straight, and then get up and get on.
the world’s a hole,
but i’m still whole.
i’ve got all the kinds of love you’ll ever need,
even now, after you’ve gone away.
and i’ll give them to me, so they don’t get wasted.
we used to grow together,
and dream together,
and eat together,
but now the world’s too big for this,
and i’m too far away from you.
we used to bury all our deads together,
but now i’m surrounded
but other seas and lands,
and you’re too far from me,
and i’m too jaded.
i’m only drowning in my tears and missing you,
wishing the world was small again,
wishing the lands were close again.
wishing that we were close again.
And when I opened my eyes
You were gone,
Just a lump of purple and sadness.
In my head there was a whirlwind
Talking over your voice
And I couldn’t hear anything
But the screams your closed mouth were shouting
Through my ears.
And then I closed my eyes
To see you again
But I couldn’t remember you at all.
It was such a long time ago when you left me,
Somehow I still miss you,
But the old you was gone too soon.
Now, your body left the earth too.
Homeless and sometimes broken,
Enough and sometimes way too much,
Spirits as high as kites
And steps as heavy as my heart,
Everything keeps knocking me down
And lifting me back up,
Trying me, making me confess
The tears and fears,
The times I tried,
The ones I couldn’t,
The more where I shouldn’t have
And above all
The all too much of living.
All of the bangs I’ve had
They weren’t loud,
They weren’t tasty,
They weren’t mornings,
Nights and dreams,
They left a shadow
Without leaving marks,
They left a traces
Without leaving a scar.
All of the bangs
They didn’t give me power,
They didn’t give me pushes,
Love and gushes,
They gave me bitterness
Without giving me a safe space.
They gave me wars
Without winning a battle,
They gave me sorrow
Without winning me a smile.
They gave me everything but me,
And everything but you.
I have a habit
where I love you so much,
I stare into your eyes
and they’re so deep,
and yet you never liked them,
and then I have another habit
of dreaming of you,
but loving me more,
and these two loves keep fighting each other,
and only one will win.
Some time, all that will be left of me will be rain
and maybe wasted dreams,
but above all else
the times it took for me to grow.
And some time, all that I am
will be enough,
and you’ll look at me and laugh,
because what else can you do
when I’m here with you?